My baby would have been 3 months old saturday. I just love that age of 3 months. Their little personalities are beginning to show. The learn to laugh & smile. The only really know joy. I miss her so much. I just want to be able to hold her & love her. I can no longer do that, physically anyway. I can think about it, dream about it, but that is all. It is all just memories now. I also realized that I will never get to see her play, laugh, fight with siblings. It is just so not fair. Here I go back into "not fair". But what other words can I use? I have been denied, robbed, cheated, and it is so not fair, just, right. I am running out of adjectives. None of them seem strong enough.

Tonight my age came in front of me. I worry that I will not be able to have another child. That scares me. I yearn for a baby to hold. I think I counted 11 more weeks until we can TTC. I sure hope my age will not plauge me.
I really hope that by this time next year, I will be preggo & hopefully close to having another baby. I hope.