Today is a new milestone. For some it may not be a big deal, but it is for me. This is my first day home alone. I mean really home alone. Dh & the kids went to Disneyland without me. My choice. Too DAMN hot for me there. So here I am at home. I have cried once. I packed up Alexa's belongings into rubbermaid tubs. I bagged up the 'hand-me-downs' I recieved, ready to be passed on to another needy family. The changing table is ready to go back into the rafters. Her dresser has all the new clothes we were given for her. That will stay awhile as Amber is not ready to part with them. It was emotional for me to clean things up but it felt right. I saved everything I wanted, ready to use with another baby. All the natural baby products are stored, along with my slings, wraps, breastpads. God I hope I get another chance to use them!!
I also cleaned my bathroom. Not the usual scrub the tub clean, but really REALLY clean. I scraped off all the hard water deposits off the shower doors. Cleaned the baseboards, on my hands & knees. It is so clean I do not want to go shower & make it dirty clean. That feels good. Now if I could only get that motivated everywhere else in the house.
I have still yet to do thank you notes. Some say forget it, I can not. It is not in my blood. I will get those darn thank you notes done eventually.
I think I will hit a movie tonight. I may go with a girlfriend, I may go alone. Either way I will go. Dh & the kids will not be home until really late. Poor Dh, he goes back to work tomorrow. He is worried. He will be just fine. His co-workers LOVE him. He has much support there.
We are moving through this grief. I still miss my daughter desperately. Sometimes the grief seems so new, other times it is like a sad old friend, just nagging at you. Still Knitting. I think it helps my grief. Go Figure