I am in Everett, WA now. It is so beautiful here. I always talk of moving when I visit my sister. I just love spending time with her. We, (Matt, Mom & I) drove up here. It was a nice drive. Beautiful country. It took two days. We had originally just planned for Mom & I to come, but I had a panic attack about being away from my husband, so he came too. It is nice to get away. I brought Alexa's pictures to show off. She is constantly in my thoughts. Hardly a moment goes by that I do not think about her. I am meeting other Moms of babies that died. That is comforting. It is comforting because they lived through it & survived. There are times when I don't think I will survive, but yet I do. Heather's baby Shane was born at 33 weeks & lived 5 days. I am meeting a MDC mom tomorrow & her baby died 2 years ago & she survived. My sister's friend had a baby die & we are meeting her today. So many babies die. So sad. Why do people not talk about it? Went to an awesome yarn store today. I talked about Alexa. I did not cry. I showed off the soakers I made her. They asked how they worked. I had to tell them I do not know, since my baby died. They asked how, & I told them she was stillborn. They were sorry. So am I. So sorry my baby died. I think of all those babies that have horrible mothers & they get their babies & I do not. I do not get that. Not sure I ever will. But I will survive. Someday, I will have true happiness again. I am sure. I hope. I pray.