I am starting to go out in public a little more. However, I am going to places I know I will not run into people I know. It feels safer. Last friday we took the kids to the Regional Park, & just like I feared, we ran into someone we knew. She happliy asked, "Where's the baby?" I then tell her my baby died & I lose it. It is so awful. I am sure she felt bad, but really, I feel horrible, much worse than her bad! Anyway, I just do not want to deal with that! Am I wrong for not wanting to see people I know in public? We took the kids to Disneyland yesterday. I knew I would not run into anyone I knew there, and we didn't. We did see a few "preggo" Mama's & lots of babies. A few wee ones at that. It was hard. I just wanted to run up & snatch those babies & hug on them, even just for a little bit. I still have heavy empty arms. I do not think that will ever go away. I constantly thought about Alexa at Disneyland. I was sad she will not get to ride a roller coaster, see the parades, listen to the music, watch the fireworks, dance with the characters. Matt & I talked about it on the way home. She was in his constant thoughts as well. Amber & Austin kept saying Alexa was with us. Riding the tram, playing in Camp Brother Bear, they said she was right there. I don't know, was her spirit there with us? Perhaps it is inside us, those constant thoughts that we have are her. I am not sure. I am not sure about alot of things these days.