Tonight it will be two weeks since my baby died. It is so surreal. I have so many wierd thoughts. I want to go find another baby & call it my own. I expect someone to bring one to my door step. These are not rational thoughts, I am a very rational person. From my reading, these are normal thoughts for a grieving mother, but it is wierd. I also know it will not become reality, & that they are crazy but I think them. When does that end?
I fear forgetting what my baby looked like. I am constantly looking at her pictures. I am so glad I have them. From looking around on the internet for support I realize how lucky I am to have them. I also am blessed to have spent so much time with my Alexa, as other mourning Mamas did not get that time. So sad. I will cherish those hours I got to love on her & hold her close to my heart. Sad that I will never get to do it again, but I will remember her soft skin & hair. Oh baby why did you have to go?? My heart will always hold you gently, and today I weep. Someday I hope the sting is lessoned.