Well, I made it through Thanksgiving. I think what helped me make it was staying away from tradition.That my sound harsh & cold to some, but I don't care what others think. I have to do what makes me feel safe & sane. So I say FUCK tradition. I could give a rats ass about it right now. You go on & have your "traditions" or whatever you want, but I want nothing to do with it. As far as I am concerned right now, Christmas & this holiday season can just go away. And since I am going away, that is all fine & well. Speaking of such, I am very excited to break tradition & travel 1200 miles to be with my Sister. I feel she gets me right now (considering she has been through all this before with her husbands sister). She knows what to say & what not to say. She lets me be isolated without question. She lets me vent without questions. It is nice. I hope to see Heather at my sisters. I wonder what her first holiday was like without Shane?
So, for those that see me as going backwards, well yes I have (2 steps forward 1 step back). I am going back into isolation mode, but I am alright. I just need to do this so I can manage my first holiday without my daughter.I need to take this time & be selfish. I will be back in January. Do not take personal offense if I do not want to go anywhere, it is not you. It is me, & I will be ok. Just let me be. Without any quilt, I will come around again. (See you in January!) (I am sure I will write again before January, but you may not see me!!! Just check in here.)