A new wave of grief is on its way. Is it the holidays? I remember saying that Alexa's first solids would be my Grandma's sweet potatoes, or traditional mashed potatoes, or both. That is not going to happen. It makes me sad. I am totally dreading this holiday season. I thought I was handling it well & then I realized I have been pretty weepy @ times this week. It has to be the holidays. Man. Can we just skip to 1/03/06, PLEASE! Shit. The only good thing is that we are taking off. We are going to Seattle to spend Christmas with my sister. I have not spent this holiday with her in a very long time. I am excited about that. Change I need change. The same thing just frustrates me anymore. Speaking of changes, I have a test date at a prospective employer next week. When they called they were not sure I would want it, considering the $$ I made @ my last job. But heck their entry level pay is better than the nothing I am getting now. We need to pay off a few bills before the next baby. I feel guilty for Matt having to pay my student loans, and if we can pay off the van, that would put $300 in our pockets for me to stay home. So that is my goal. Get a job. Get pregnant. Pay off some debt & stay @ home with a baby. If only we could control things like that. We can't. But it is a goal. Speaking of getting pregnant. Here is my chart http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/f019c Looks pretty good, if I do say so myself, although I have no real idea of what it all means. What I do know is I set the alarm for 6:30am, every morning, take my temp & go back to sleep!!!
Nuff for now. I am sure I will get chatty again, as I feel like shit. Again.....Sigh.